1987 Ibanez 540R, PRO540R Bright Red Burst

To the best of my recollection, here's my one and only Satch story...

It had to be '02 or '03 and I got my crew together and headed down to see the mighty trio on the G3 tour: Satriani, Vai and of course, the Swedish heavyweight himself, Magnus Malmsteen. Now, I'm a bass player but I can still appreciate these three titans of the guitar for their talent and Dave LaRue was playing bass for Satch, so I'm gonna be good with it all after getting a few beers in me.

Malmsteen came out first in a full-length leather duster, kicking picks with his boot and taking up every inch of the stage with his mere presence. He had a fried chicken leg sticking out of each side pocket of that duster- maybe that's how he gets up and down that fretboard so quickly and I'm being honest here- I was bored after three songs. As my good pal often says; There are just too many notes for the royal ear and such was the case that night. But, Malmsteen has always been Malmsteen- there's no reason for him to change his recipe...

Vai came out next in flowing white with a fan blowing in his hair as if he were an angel from the guitar heavens. He definitely slowed the pace of the show, and I got the feeling he thought he was starring in a Downy commercial or something, being as flowingly glamorous as he was. It was quite dramatic, but when it comes to tearing the frets off a Jem, nobody does it better. He still got a tip 'o the hat for being a bit more diverse than 'ol Magnus.

Finally, here came Satch and I'm all ready for the bass monster himself, Dave LaRue to "show me some licks," He's an absolute beast and I had several fine moments watching him and Satch go back and forth. The band itself was super rock-solid and gave a great performance. And, "Satch Boogie" is one of my all-time favorite guitar songs, so it was good stuff, folks and now it was time to haul ass out back and get some autographs. To clarify, this was the period when me and the boys were heavily into collecting signatures and setlists. You should see some of the vintage setlists I have stashed away- the Judas Priest one alone almost got me thrown in jail down at Lakewood Amphitheater in Atlanta.

There was a crowd of people standing kind of in a line behind the venue, waiting for the boys to come out. First out was Vai and as he came down the line, I realized that I had nothing for him to sign. Panicking slightly, I looked in my billfold to see if I had anything and there it was- my emergency $100 dollar bill, folded up and tucked in a back pocket. Now, I'm, only supposed to use this bill in an emergency, but seeing as how Jack Butler himself was about three people away from me, I went into "emergency" mode. When Vai got to me and I handed him the bill, he looked at it and then asked me, "Are you kidding? You want me to sign this?" and I replied, "It's all I got Steve." He smiled and signed the bill before giving it back. "One down, two to go," I thought and it wasn't long before Dave LaRue and Satch came out. Now, I was ready.

Dave pretty much did the same thing when he saw the bill- he looked at me kind of funny and as he signed it, I again came out with the "It's all I got," line. He just shook his head and moved on down the line. When Joe got in front of me, I handed him the bill and he looked at me and said, "Really? I must be in the wrong line of work." The thing is after he signed it, he kept going down the line, smiling and signing autographs- with my $100 dollar bill! Now I'm scrambling down the line, hollering "Hey Joe" at him and he's ignoring me, on purpose. Folks, I'm getting tense here not only because it's a hondo, but because it's already been signed by Vai and LaRue. The plan was to get Satch's signature and then try to wait out Magnus. Joe let me jump around and work down the line for a few minutes before smiling at me and handing the bill back. Man, I'm from the South- I thought I was gonna have to go all country on his ass for a minute, but we all know that things probably would not have turned out well for me had I gotten serious and rolled under that rope. You know- security and such.

I got my signed bill back and waited on Malmsteen, but he took so long to come out, we just gave up and went home. If there's a moral to this story or a lesson to be learned, I never got it. Dude tried to snag my hundred and I got a bit itchy. After that night, I always folded a piece of paper in my back pocket in case I got lucky after the show. Worked from then on...

As to this 540R, I heard that it was the model Satch played before getting his own signature of which there have been many. It's well-played and certainly shows it, but it set up like a complete champion and was another instant favorite of my tech, the immortal El Hefe. It comes in this 'Gator hardshell case and both the guitar and case have been detailed. It's definitely a guitar I would take to get signed were I standing in lines for autographs these days- who knows, maybe I can coax 'ol Satch down to the Panhandle and I'll pull out that hundred. You think he'll remember his near-felony from that night in Atlanta?